Tasha Joseph – Leading Love and Infidelity Expert

Hey ladies! Can you recall your last bad relationship? Hopefully, it was a long time ago, but if not, you’re probably trying to find a way to deal with it. It’s not easy, but there are things you can do to make letting go of a bad relationship easier.

1. Don’t Dwell on the Good. After a break up, some women tend to focus on the few things that were right in the relationship, and delude themselves about all of the many other things that were bad. When you find yourself thinking about your last relationship, recall all of the things you didn’t like about it and how much better off you are today without that guy in your life.

2. Focus on His Flaws. Sometimes after a break up, women tend to idolize the guy they were with by thinking about all the good things he did in a relationship. Next time you find yourself thinking about your ex, remember all of the times he lied to you instead. It’s important also to remember that by getting back together with him, you’re not going to fix those flaws…EVER.

3. Toss the Evidence. Don’t sit around looking through all the physical remnants of your old relationship. Throw out the cards, concert tickets and gifts he gave you. And if you’re not going to throw it away, at least hide them away where you can’t readily reach them, like a public storage unit. Next time you catch yourself looking through old pictures and cards, toss everything in a box and put it out for the garbage man.

4. Don’t Hold Back. It’s okay to cry. You can’t simply hold in the sadness, anger and hurt you have inside as a result of the break up. When you feel like you’re going to cry, don’t be afraid to let it out. It’s good for you and healing for your soul.

5. Erase Him Quick. Take his number out of your cellphone, delete his e-mail address from your contacts and move on. Take the time to erase him from your life for good using these simple tips! — Tasha Cunningham, tasha@dontdatehimgirl.com

1. Invite him in. Most guys would communicate if they felt emotionally “safe”. Just like women who find it easier to talk about their feelings when they don’t feel threatened. Guys are the same way. Show your guy that no matter, he can come to you and be open and honest with you without feeling judged.

2. Don’t speak. When your guy is telling you something, even if you don’t agree with it and even if it makes you angry, don’t interrupt him. Let him get all of his feelings out before you respond and ask him to give you the same courtesy. This opens a free flow of communication without judgment or angst.

3. Call a time-out. Sometimes, in a conversation, you’ll notice it heading south. Either you’ll say something out of line or your man will. When this happens, instead of getting angry and lashing out, call a time-out. Take a breather from the conversation until you feel like you’re ready to start again. This shows your man that when he communicates with you, there is mutual respect and love there. You would rather take a time-out than hurl insults and foster bad feelings.

4. Touch him. Men, like women, are often very guarded with their feelings. Men don’t want to look weak, so if your guy comes to you venting about his bad day, a fear he has about something or something else that would be perceived as a vulnerability, touch his hand, rub his back as he talks to you so that he’ll know you’re sympathetic to what he’s going through. Soon, he’ll know that when he has an issue or is feeling vulnerable, he can come to you and trust you with his feelings.

5. Get engaged. Give your guy feedback about what he’s saying when he talks to you. Phrases like, “I know how you feel”, “I’m sorry this is happening to you,” will make him feel comfortable and let him know that he has nothing to fear by confiding in you.

–Tasha Cunningham, tasha@dontdatehimgirl.com

What Every Girl Needs to Know About Guys, Their Exes and Jealousy

Q. Dear Tasha

I’m new to your site DontDateHimGirl.com and I’m sure this topic has been discussed a million times before but please help me out, I am suffering from the age old killer of relationships – jealousy.

And it sucks, it eats away at me inside though I know my agitated feelings have no logic behind them. I have been dating my boyfriend for about three and a half months and he tells me he loves me daily, he is just about always there for me and he is like the guy of my dreams, the one I’m pretty sure could be Mr. Right, after years of dating creep upon creep. But the thing that drives me nuts and is killing our relationship is the horrific jealousy I always feel whenever he mentions one of his exes or tells me a story about them or shows me a photograph. I hate it.

I freak out and don’t want to talk to him. My policy has always been ignorance is bliss. I just don’t want to know how his ex-girlfriends look or to see in a picture a necklace he gave her when they were going out. His policy is that I should know about his past so that I can get to know who he is today.

My policy is aaarrgh – I’m constantly comparing myself – I don’t look like any of these other chicks, they all have bigger bra sizes, blond beach chick looks. Though they were all much older than him and did have kids which should be of some comfort.

I know I clearly suffer from low self-esteem problems and I’m from another country and without family etc… while he is Southern California born and raised and has a ton of friends and a great and loving family. No matter how hard I explain he cannot understand the insecurities that eat away at my insides like a cancer, my exaggerated thoughts and ensuing depression.

I know he is faithful to me and these women are no threat so why do I constantly compare myself to these exes and stupidly feel they were somehow better than me and how do I make him understand to quit bringing stuff up I don’t want to hear and stop feeling angry for no reason before I completely destroy what could be a great relationship.

It sounds simple enough and I will think I have it under control and rationalize everything but takes little more than a picture or a comment to set me off again. Help – I know this is sick and stupid behavior – Thanks.

Well, first you should congratulate yourself! You know what’s eating away at you, now you just need to learn how to move past it. A lot of women haven’t gotten to the point of being able to recognize their own insecurities.

You have and for that, you should be happy. Now, on to the business at hand � how does a girl with low self-esteem move past jealousy and insecurity and help her otherwise great relationship grow?

Getting help, such as therapy for your issues with low self-esteem is a great first step. A therapist can help you work through the issues that are at the root of your insecurity. Remember, that in one way or another, both men and women are insecure creatures. Believe it or not, your boyfriend has insecurities, too!

Next, talk to your boyfriend about it – not to try to make him understand your insecurities because to him what you’re feeling isn’t rational. Instead, ask him to stop bringing up his exes. Make it a policy in the relationship, just like the other policies you adhere to, particularly if you don’t bring up your exes to him.

Then, stop comparing yourself to these women. Of all the pictures he’s shown you or stories he’s told you, YOU are the one that he is with. YOU are the one he loves. If these other women were so great, he would still be with them. Guys are really simple that way.

They aren’t going to stick around and be in relationship with a woman they aren’t into for any reason. It’s important that you understand this. Of all the women he’s been with, your boyfriend has chosen you. Do you really think that just because you don’t look like the chicks he dated previously, he loves you any less? Absolutely not!

Sure, he may show you a picture once in a while or tell you a story, but once you tell him how this makes you feel, he’ll stop. No picture or story is more important to him than your feelings.

Are you really going to let a picture of some old ex-girlfriend really set you off and ruin a great relationship? You’re much smarter than that.

Who cares if they have bigger breasts or a different hair color? Work on your self-esteem issues with a therapist, stop comparing yourself to the women in his past who are no longer relevant to him in any way and enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend. A great guy is hard to find and it sounds like you have one, so don’t blow it because of a picture or story of an old girlfriend from his past! –  Tasha Joseph